I don’t feel like talking about them. They’re the kinds of memories and interactions that I try to shove down whenever I think about them. Those painful cringes that hit like a dozen or two dozen times a day, random memories from all throughout my life, all adding up to reaffirm the conclusion is reached long ago that literally nothing I say or do will ever be accepted as “normal,” no matter how hard it try to conform, or even especially when I try just being myself.

So no, I won’t deliberately spend mental energy trying to remember specific interactions and putting them into words. It’s like wack-a-mole, and there are thousands of them, so once I push down a particular memory it might be months or years before that specific one comes up again. My inner life is like a kaleidoscope of painful flashbacks.

I don’t need to hear a specific comment from you. I’m sorry, but you’re not gonna save me from myself. It’s fine, that’s not your responsibility. Thanks for understanding though. Most people don’t exactly validate my struggle when I mention it.