Try tap.

Did it instantly turn on? No?

Try hold.

Now you turned it off, maybe.

We can’t move on without a proper segue. How about politics+beans memes? I can’t imagine anyone would be unhappy with that.

You look like you were once an elf.

The victim permanently lost her hearing in one ear

3 years actually seems pretty soft for permanently disabling someone. Imagine reliving this violent moment every time you hear something. I hope she can also sue the shit out of him.

4. I’ve abandoned this career and enrolled in music school

Always hire a monopoly lawyer.

The most ambitious crossover

My SO to me after her 12 evenly spaced out morning alarms all occurred during hours 2-4 of my 5 hours of sleep last night.

The last thing you want in a car accident is one whole baby flying into the front seat area.

It’s not a look of disgust. It’s the face of desire, of yearning.

Ruth Gader Binsburg

deleted by creator

“This is yours now, son. A little bit of water spilled on it 3 weeks ago, so it will fall apart if you use it.”

They’ll be dead, but their descendants will build self-sustaining fortresses with robot guards in the 11th hour, eventually surrounded by slums full of slaves who will fight each other for their entertainment.

Tr’ubs

deleted by creator

“if you fuck with my liberty”*

^{*and by liberty I mean specifically don’t talk about mass shootings during campaign season. All other liberties are fair game so don’t bother being gentle just step on me hard please I like it.}

Deleting the comment altogether because you spent too much time thinking of other examples and it’s just not worth the trouble anymore. 🎩 🧐 🍷

Same, except: