Maybe if several more CEOs and C Suite suits are murdered in the street, then my insurance rates will only rise by single digits next year.

Probably a third location, just to be safe.

Yeah, I wrote that poorly. I’m going to leave it as a warning to future generations.

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No, you don’t. That’s the point of piracy. Corporations extract every bit of wealth from the consumer class to the point that they don’t even notice piracy, other than to decry it as a great evil. Nobody is going out of business.

When it comes to corporations, steal everything.

I was vegan for 8 years and during that time I didn’t talk to anyone about it other than to say, “I don’t eat that.”

I say that to say this - vegans are insufferable and a large reason why I quit the community and went back to omnivore. Even after 8 years, other vegans were still ‘more vegan’ and would nitpick the dumbest stuff.

“Bro, did you eat a date? That killed a bee or something. Not cool.”

Shut up with that. Let me eat my damn fruit.

I was healthier though. But, to be fair, I was younger.

And the Hogwart’s after school Fallomancer Club was born.

(I said I was sad, not that I couldn’t still make jokes.)

What is chaser erasure?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To kill Trump.

Am I doing this right?

Cannon dismissed the documents case Monday morning. That was some slick cover. (I’m not saying the shooting was fake, but I am saying that she probably wouldn’t have done that in a calmer news cycle.)

Nobody disagrees with that. People do disagree with “Israel has the right to conduct genocide against the Palestinians.”

When I thread it between my gleaming moist teeth.

I’m just happy they’re doing okay.

That’s some battery life on that phone.

How do I motivate my students? I’ll need to know by 7:30 am PST tomorrow.

Thanks!

It’s not like we’re going to survive climate change on our own.

Not my original content, but damn. That dwarf was one ugly, little dude.