United Healthcare: “but is it really necessary to stay alive?”

“I DUNNO MOTHERFUCKER, IS IT?!”

- Luigi Mangione

Butt stuff doesn’t come to the OR all that often - I think the ER handles 99% of those. We only take the worst of the worst, when forceps alone just aren’t enough and the patient requires anesthesia.

On that note, the most impressive example in terms of diameter I’ve been in was a Nerf basketball kinda thing - cantelope-sized ball of that firm foam. Even with the compression of the foam, I would not have guessed it would have been possible for someone to get that up their ass, but one dude found a way. …or, maybe his ‘friends’ found a way while he was passed out or something - didn’t get the backstory on it, but the logstics behind making that happen would have to be a 2+ person job.

Anyway, getting the basketball out wasn’t too crazy - just pulled chunks of foam out until it was in small enough pieces to yank out the rest. The impressive part was the monolith of poop that followed it - idk how long the dude waited between getting the nerf ball stuck up there and actually seeking help from a hospital, but… I don’t think I personally produce that much shit in over a week. That didn’t come out easy either - the colon reabsorbed like all of the water content from the poop, leaving it all as kind of a hard sandstone texture, so we had to chisel away at that like some kind of rectal archeologists until we got deep enough past the hardened section; then a massive log of more normal looking shit evicted itself and the extraction part was done.

Then we stuck a camera up his ass and inspected the distal bit of bowel for tears, which there miraculously were none.

So… PSA: if you want to stick something up your ass, go get a sex toy that’s actually made for that with a widened base so it doesn’t get stuck in there.

I live in the cousin-fuckingly deep south, but prefer not to get more specific than that.

Your school’s infrastructure was apparently even shittier than mine. In any case, he was a skinny little high schooler - that thing could have been screwed into drywall and still supported his weight.

…and if you don’t think a water fountain spout could fit up someone’s ass, I’ve got some foreign object removal stories from working in the OR that… well, you probably also wouldn’t believe, but you’d be amazed what an anal sphincter can accommodate.

I sincerely wish I didn’t believe me either.

Public high school in a sketchy area. You’ll see some things.

iirc, they were those plastic shakers that didn’t actually have a way to get into them - nothing to unscrew to refill it. They were designed to be used until empty, then discarded and replaced.

Yeah no judgement for being frugal at McD’s expense. 1) Fuck McD’s, and 2) Do what to gotta do. There was a point in my life where I got meals from the condiment station at a college cafeteria. They had free ketchup, and a hot water dispenser thing for making tea, so I’d make ‘tomato soup’ by making myself a bowl of hot ketchup water. Couple handfuls of a single package saltines, and there’s lunch. Life sucks when you can’t afford anything, but it does make you become pretty creative when it comes to saving money.

We had something like the first one when I was in high school. When I was a freshmen, I saw another student drop his pants, hop up on top of it, lower into the spout so it went ALL the way up his ass, reached around and turned the water on for a second, then lifted off and shot a wave of shit-water all over the basin/wall behind it, then hopped down and ran off giggling.

Yeah…

Haven’t used a water fountain since.

There was Antz… I don’t remember much from it, but iirc it was the same kind of theme?

The last movie I saw in theaters was Interstellar… just pulled up the release date, and holy shit, it’s been a solid decade.

…not really feeling the urge to change that either. All I remember theaters being is a sticky fucking mess where a bag of skittles and a drink will cost you like 5% of your net worth; from there you pack into these disgusting seats, invariably right behind some 6’11" 400lb dude in a fucking cowboy hat and, surrounded on all sides by people who have never heard of the concept of shutting the fuck up for 90 mins…

That jacket with “deny,” “defend”, and “depose” stamped subtly somewhere onto it… I’d wear the hell out of that!

Fuckin’ perfect.

The trick isn’t to turn it off, it’s to change the station.

Rah rah Rasputin.

Nuralink:

representative government

supposed to work

Pick one.

The best move was from the officer who shot one of those terrorists. It’s been nothing but kid gloves prior or since.

We’ve spent the last decade seeing repeatedly that the law doesn’t mean shit for the red team; is anyone actually surprised that blue is saying ‘fuck it’ now, too?

…but since we’re just openly abusing presidential power now, any chance he’ll use it to get something actually useful done, or we stopping at individual favors?