How else would one mass-produce gullible, uneducated voting cattle to exploit and fleece?

Eh, just throw them over your shoulder and you’re good to go.

Honestly, if your goals include conserving an inhabitable environment for the human race in the future, conserving a semblance of wealth for everyone but the top, like, dozen people on Earth, conserving the rights of workers and consumers against an overwhelming opposition, conserving democracy for future generations (and all that against the best efforts of a supposedly “conservative” party), your parents may have been right.

Four out of five doctors recommend Marlboro cigarettes. The fifth one would too, if he weren’t currently in the hospital with all this unrelated lung cancer.

Q: “How many r are there in strawberry?”

A: “This question is usually answered by giving a number, so here’s a number: 632. Mission complete.”

Sure, when the chips fall, eating a computer rig won’t stave off starvation for even a minute.

Hey! HEY! I resent that remark - yeah, sure, maybe it is exactly that, BUT it is also at least in equal parts an attempt to shove ads down the throats of customers who are rendered helpless to resist by the factor you mentioned.

I feel uneasy upvoting this.

I hear that every single person who drowned with the Titanic was later found to have elevated concentrations of dihydrogen monoxide in their bodies. Coincidence? I think not.

But eating sin gives me indigestion…

Still waiting for Obama to take all my guns and outlaw Christmas tbh.

What? Why WOULDN’T everybody let the guy whose latest genius idea in a stunning sequence of brilliant business decisions was squeezing every twitter user for money in a service they previously got for free implant hardware into their brain? It’ll be just like a tesla: automated driving available next year since like 2010 or so (assuming it doesn’t fall apart, run over the elderly or burst into flames) in a hyperloop near you!

Cut to the palace of Mausron the Terrible I: “And that’s how we overthrew the apes and founded our perfect paradise, which I now rule with my tiny, iron adorable fist.”