doug

I’m willing to forgive them, but take my forgiveness with the grain of salt that is my clown fetish.

My retirement plan likely involves explosives and a penthouse or penthouse-equivalent that may or may not be occupied by the richest, douchiest person I can successfully stalk.

My inevitable colon cancer diagnosis is the go signal.

/s tag for when this comment comes up as “exhibit a”

The problem for me is empathy is often the missing ingredient in my disagreements with others, and it’s harder or impossible to foster, teach, or cultivate that empathy via a remote text exchange.

It is easier to press the button that shocks the stranger when the stranger is in the other room.

…coupled with that I get enraged at injustice and bigotry enough that it likely affects my blood pressure, as well as my ability to articulate my political views in a respectful and/or cohesive manner.

Fuckinggoddam piece of shit nazifucks make me want to KILL. KILL. KILL. RRUFUDUDJDJCH JNENDUCHBR

I wish I was more active so I had an excuse to wear dope band-aids 😔

“Looks like it’s back to jail for me! Auogh auogh auogh!”

Ghosts can harm people, but they also see and can access all of time and all universes at any given moment. Dying is like losing your bookmark in a near-infinite book; it’s hard to get back to your place.

Paired with that, things we consider to be horrible atrocities of our time or past are blips compared to unfathomable things that have yet to come.

Ghosts do kill people all the time in other dimensions, and sometimes in ours, but it’s always ruled as something like a stroke or aneurism or whatever.

I don’t believe any of this but like to think of excuses as thought experiments and have been talking out of my ass.

My criticism fucking sucks.

Destructive destructive criticism.

Your dynamite is not placed in the correct areas for optimal destruction and would be better located on the support beams.

Fandom would have those old moving pop up windows if they could/were still a thing.

“Except for your desire to be abducted by aliens. That’s a direct result, probably.”

Gets greater every year— the price that is, the electricity stays the same. Static, even.

I miss Alfred too 😔

After those ten seconds you’ll see a skip button, please click it so I can execute you.

The first one just isn’t that good imo. It’s mostly a vibes movie. Also the story with the snake death is just cruel.

IMO 3 and 6 are the best (and 6 inspired Scream!).

There’s a decent fan installment Never Hike Alone, but F13 always felt like the mean, no-empathy response to (and blatant/admitted rip off of) Halloween.

…but I’m a sucker for movies with an unstoppable killing machine stalking protagonists so I’ll watch whatever tripe anyone puts out. If you’re less picky than me and haven’t seen any of ‘em, those are my 2 cents.

Memes make the world go ‘round. The language of the web.

How is babby formed? All your base are belong to us. Do you have stairs in your house? The whistle goes woo woo. Foot doctor.

…the bacon narwhals at midnight.

Yeah but if be gets overcharged it goes into sleep mode.

I assure you I only found humor in people personifying a person into “Amber Lamps,” I did not recognize I was laughing alongside others who were laughing for racist reasons centered around poking fun of urban phonetics.

…ok so for this one I was laughing at him thinking he confidently could break his cuffs and people turning it into songs and adjacent memes, I didn’t think at the time about the power dynamics and systemic racism surrounding the incident at the time.

…ok so for this one, um, so that’s MS paint, a chainsaw, and a banned website… yes, ok you know what? I’ll just uh, I’ll see myself out.

I wish I didn’t have an easier time empathizing with animals than I did people; rats are so friggin’ cute

Hell if I watch an ant long enough I’ll find them cute too. Wiping dirt off their little antennae 🥺

I’m probably gonna die getting bit by a rabid raccoon as I try to pet them.

As much as I enjoyed Idiocracy when it came out, I wish its proposed answer/crux of the issue wasn’t “smart people should have kids” and instead focused on educating the ones that are already here/brought into this world.

Ironically I indeed have come around to eating them as a snack, which I never would’ve considered at the time.

(I was more about whatever high sodium crap triggered the dopamine at the convenience store nearby: chips, Chex mix, corn nuts, etc.)