Best read with a British accent, naturally:

There was a young girl from Nic’ragua
Who smiled as she rode on a jaguar
They returned from the ride
With the young girl inside
And the smile on the face of the jaguar

Cartoon GI Joe or live action GI Joe? I’m inclined to cut cartoons in general a lot of slack in terms of physics abuse

You can get that good, scurvy-busting vitamin C from meat just fine, all you have to do is eat it raw

See also: Hazard Fraught Tools