The second verse of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s song, Headline News, is about these two.
Once there was this girl who Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion And when she finally made it She saw some other girl who was better And so she hired some guy to Club her in the knee cap
Our society would be far better if we, as a whole, quoted Weird Al more often.
Now you may find it inconceivable or rather very least a bit unlikely that The relative position of the planets and the stars Could have a special deep significance or meaning That exclusively applies to only you But, let me give you my assurance that These forecasts and predictions are all based on Solid, scientific, documented evidence So you would have to be some kind of moron Not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true Where was I?
God damn I can’t not hear it
They’ve got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
sigh would you look at all that stuff…
Took me several tries back in the day to sing that all in one breath, but damn it, I was determined.
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Warrior!
You might incredible strength, and you can probably pwn somebody’s face.
But you are worthless without a priest, you are destined to raid for all your life.
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Wow that music video sure is something. Thanks for that one
Wait, the events are real? 🤯
Yep, huge deal in the mid-90’s. Living through the 90’s was a wild ride for so many different reasons.
Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmmmm…
Hired some guy to do what
Edit: oh like in that movie
“Break a leg”
-Tonya
“Oh yeah, it’s Harding time.”
– Tonya
This is literally me staring at the Best Actress Award at the Oscars in 2018.
It’s like I could play her in a movie or something.
This whole thing happened 30 years ago now. Wow. These two must be in their 50s now. It was such a media circus at the time.
For some reason I thought nancy kerrigan was the zerg queen
You’re thinking of her sister, Sarah Kerrigan.
You’re not entirely wrong.
From the wiki:
Initially based around the character Tanya Adams in the Command & Conquer: Red Alert series, Kerrigan was named after Nancy Kerrigan, who at the time was involved in a feud with Tonya Harding.
Wasn’t she the semifinallist from Highlander?
I think I’ll just go find Nancy Kerrigan.
I went on vacation with a girl like that once. It was not a nice trip.
Story?
She looks just like Emma Watson.
And she can break my kneecap any time
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